Old Mother Twitchett had but one eye, and a long tail which she let fly; and every time she went through a gap, a bit of her tail she left in a trap. What is she?
A needle and thread.
There were three men sitting on a bench. Man1 asked the other two: "What do you want your family and friends to say at your funeral?". Man2 says, "I guess I'd want them to say I was a nice guy and I took care of my family". Man3 says, "I'd want them to say things like that too". Man1 said "Really? I'd want them to say... LOOK! HE'S MOVING!".
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